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A page Out of My DiabeticDiary UAE

Ever since my last post (Don’t Keep Telling Everyone You’re Diabetic If You Want To Get Married!!)  I wasn’t sure what to share.. Especially since I was expecting to be a Diabetic “Mrs” ..

It was using “my prince charming” in my last post that also made me hesitant on what to share. And Im not denying that he is charming, I’m just referring to the ‘my prince’ part.

You see in life, not everything could be logically explained. Nor knowledge could predict much. And hardest of all, is dealing with an expectation that was never going to come true since it wasn’t even close to reality.

But then again, what is reality?

Personally, I believe reality is the appearance of everything as it is, with nothing hidden nor disguised. In definition; it is the “existence of human awareness that is actual or true”. That could do for now.. Because human awareness and actuality could also differ from a person to another. But that doesn’t mean anyone is entitled to what is right or wrong.

And my restless mind suffered such endless thoughts for so long. I knew there wasn’t any blame nor any other way to have things differently. I knew that despite its unease, that Allah knows best.
But I was still lost about it. I had so many unanswered questions, so many needed explanations, and a ‘why’ that I was certain to never get a response from.

I tried to avoid any thought of why it happened, but everything seemed to resemble. I tried to neglect every feeling I held, but it isn’t possible for a memory that seemed to become a part of me. I tried to hold full responsibility for something I wasn’t involved in alone, but that didn’t seem reasonable. I tried trying in many different ways, but it soon led a sensible mind wander on a search for irrational disclosure.

Eventually, I started to remind myself like some Diabetics that have complicated their lives so much by complaining rather than dealing with it. Then I realized that the only effort must be placed is on patients (since knowledge and determination is for my Diabetes).

Focusing on acceptance, I started to have a stronger appreciation on everything around me. Slowly I started realizing (even though something I wanted was taken away) so much has been given to me in return.
And that’s when it hit me; as complicated as it is, I always had the choice to not let it overwhelm me. And even with no answers; a submission to The who knows best, Allah will make every unease a beautiful bliss.

Other than facing an almost wedding, and (if it matters to some) facing Diabetes; in life’s reality there are much harder situations. And regardless how hard the situation gets, its ease mostly relies on the choice of dealing with it. Just like a hole on a boat; rather than trying to use your time and mind to manage it, you keep thinking about why/if/how (and other questions) it happened, and end up drowning in your own choices.

Most of all, I can’t help but wonder why haven’t I thought of myself and Diabetes this whole time? I admit it was a struggle the first few years as a Diabetic, but long ago I came to a conclusion that any discomfort in life is a blessing in disguise from Allah. Just as this situation, but I haven’t choose to see it yet.

Many times I wished things in life to be similar to Diabetes, since its always about getting as much as you give in.

If I was to choose a reality, I wouldn’t want it any different from being a Diabetic; as challenging as it is, it will never disappoint me as long as I don’t disappoint it. It’s my promising-reality where I find the simplicity in a life filled with challenges.


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